The Last Word

[George Willson]

A Mortician must face the ghosts of his past when he finds his next client is a bully who made his young life a living hell.

This is a short written for an exercise on www.simplyscripts.com. We had a week for write a short based on a specific theme and genre.

The one for this exercise was to "write a drama about a funeral worker who has to prepare the body of a bully from his childhood."

Click here to read The Last Word.

[The Reviewer]

From Der Spieler at Simplyscripts:

This wasn't at all what I was expecting from you, George. I don't mean that in a bad way.

I find it hard to believe that you managed to write 18 pages of this quality in just one day. If I could write 18 pages a day I'd be a happy man.

The dialogue between Michael and his wife is very real and authentic, i can imagine that you and your wife talk like this.

I like how Michael feels that the bully was the reason he ended up where he is today. His realization at the end is very touching and gives a deeper meaning to the piece as a whole. At one point I thought I'd lost you when Jerry Springer showed up, closely followed by Dr. Phil. I guess this is the part I wasnt expecting but I think you pulled it off quite well.

If anything, I'd say this might benefit from being a little shorter. The scene with the deceased's family seemed a bit unneccesary to me and a few other scenes could be trimmed.

Overall, you did a great job given the time frame. You managed to develop your central character very quickly and efficiently and gave us a satisfying ending too. Nice work.

[The Reviewer]

From Bert at Simplyscripts:

As usual, a solid piece of work here with very little to criticize. But, honestly, I'll bet you could have done more with this had you taken more time. It still blows my mind that you could bust this out so fast, though.

[Note: For those not following this little contest as closely as the actual participants, Mr. Show-off here did this in, like, six hours...]

A couple of thoughts (and minor spoilers):
* The whole "craven's a craven" thing seemed a bit mature for 10-year-old kids.
* The dream sequence was wonderfully absurd, and easily the highlight of this piece. I particularly liked the scene with the coffin.

Nice work, George. I just think this could have been a little...spicier...had you taken a few days with it.

[The Reviewer]

From Goonie17 at Simplyscripts:

Of the shorts I have read for this weeks topic, this one has been the most different by far.

I really liked this piece due to the ending. Maybe its just me, but I truly did not see it coming. Very well written, it kept me wanting more throughout.

Six hours?!? Amazing.

[The Reviewer]

From Andy Petrou at Simplyscripts:

George, I thought this was a very well written piece!

SPOILERS!!>>>

I really love the way Michael and Rebecca interract with each-other. It was an intimate view of their relationship, without having to spend a great deal of time learning about them. Rebecca was lovely - Her mannerisms were sweet and endearing.

Michael was a good character. I didn't understand the craven is a craven meaning, but read some of the replies and then found out what it meant. I liked the way he resolved a few issues himself and found peace and was able to move on.

I liked the dream sequence too, the joker part was really good. I especially liked the Jerry Springer and Dr. Phil segments a lot! Made it very entertaining indeed.

Overall, a great read and a touching ending which I never saw coming! I think the montage worked well too. I'm impressed by the quality of it all considering how long it tok you to write. Well done!

Andy

[The Reviewer]

From Oness at Simplyscripts:

George,

Hey guy. Wow...I really didn't expect this to be so original. I liked your characters especially...do I sense a little Athena/Hank in Michael/Rebecca? Haha...it was good. The relationship I noticed was very realistic and it didn't seem forced. At first this was more of the serious "exercises" I had read, but then...

SPOILERS

You threw in Michael making the guy look like the joker...haha...and then had Springer and Dr. Phil!!! I was like WTF? But, in the end everything was clear and I really liked this. Smart, serious, with a sense of humor. Good!!!!

[George Willson]

Thanks. For the record, Mr. Show-off did it in four hours. I saw the assignment a little after noon, pondered over a plot for two hours until I got to work at 2:30. At 2:30, I started writing, completing the first draft before my first break at 4:30. Between then and 6:30, I read through it a few times and called it done.